Lafayette 2013
Lafayette at Princeton
October 12th, 2013
Princeton wins 42-26
Pregame:
Practicing our last in, first out data structures, it’s the Band University Princeton!
(Band marches on to Cannon)
Now the band turns to Lafayette and definitely does NOT play the national anthem of the United States. This is the FRENCH national anthem, for Lafayette. And it’s not veterans day. Please please don’t get that confused.
(Band turns to Lafayette stands and plays French national anthem)
Hello parents! We’re sure you’re really proud that your child is now at Princeton. And we bet you went through all their old school work after they left for New Jersey. We went through our old schoolwork too, and found a report about Leopards that we wrote in third grade. It goes like this:
Leopards are like kitties, but bigger and more ferociouser. They are thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis big. And they have wings — they’re what Hercules rode around on. Leopards are also good house pets. They’re also an engendered species, so remember that they are friends, not food.
Romans called them Panthera Pardus, but they’re so not panthers. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have Google. Their main predator is the cougar. That’s also what I heard my mom call Marcy’s mom one day. Maybe she likes eating leopards?
And most importantly, remember that tigers can always defeat leopards.
We got a D on that paper, but we still got into Princeton! Grateful that we got to go to Nassau Hall, the band forms a P for the grade we should have gotten and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”
(Band forms DDRP and plays Going Back)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of the national anthem by the Princeton University Band.
(Band plays the anthem)
Fly away band, riding on your winged leopard.
Halftime:
Teaching your child how to forget you, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Forward)
We’d like to welcome all the parents to today’s game! We know you’re probably worrying about your child, but we’re here to reassure that everything is ok.
We bet you’re worrying a lot about diseases, especially with the meningitis outbreak. But it’s ok, there’s no way your child is sharing cups with anyone because they don’t have any friends.
Academics is sure to be another area for worry. But we assure you that your child is not failing any classes, because they missed signups and aren’t in any. Also, they got their first test back today, and it was positive.
And parents always worry about partying. But your child definitely isn’t drinking because they can’t even get into the sign-in eating clubs.
Your child is fine in their new living situation as well: They never run out of laundry because they never change their pants. And they don’t have to worry about getting locked out because they never make it back to their room — just kidding, it’s because they never leave.
Your child has had a great first month at Princeton, it’s too bad they can’t remember it. Forming your child’s memories, the band plays “Forget You.”
(Forming a question mark, the band plays Forget You.)
As you may have heard, the band was banned from Lafayette for several years. Over that time,
we came up with lots of great jokes about them. They may be a bit antiquated, but we’re excited to get to share them now.
(Band forms Tamagotchi and plays Crazy)
We recently read that some rural areas of Colorado want to secede from the state because it’s become too liberal. They want to either start there own state or join Wyoming. Because nothing empowers a people like joining Wyoming… Besides, we know Wyoming and Colorado won’t go for it — both states are nice rectangles already.
But despite Colorado’s struggles, there have been a lot of other secessions recently.
(Band forms Colorado and Wyoming and plays “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love.” People move from Colorado to Wyoming)
Become a part of the trend, band. It’s time to secede from the field!
October 12th, 2013
Princeton wins 42-26
Pregame:
Practicing our last in, first out data structures, it’s the Band University Princeton!
(Band marches on to Cannon)
Now the band turns to Lafayette and definitely does NOT play the national anthem of the United States. This is the FRENCH national anthem, for Lafayette. And it’s not veterans day. Please please don’t get that confused.
(Band turns to Lafayette stands and plays French national anthem)
Hello parents! We’re sure you’re really proud that your child is now at Princeton. And we bet you went through all their old school work after they left for New Jersey. We went through our old schoolwork too, and found a report about Leopards that we wrote in third grade. It goes like this:
Leopards are like kitties, but bigger and more ferociouser. They are thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis big. And they have wings — they’re what Hercules rode around on. Leopards are also good house pets. They’re also an engendered species, so remember that they are friends, not food.
Romans called them Panthera Pardus, but they’re so not panthers. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have Google. Their main predator is the cougar. That’s also what I heard my mom call Marcy’s mom one day. Maybe she likes eating leopards?
And most importantly, remember that tigers can always defeat leopards.
We got a D on that paper, but we still got into Princeton! Grateful that we got to go to Nassau Hall, the band forms a P for the grade we should have gotten and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall.”
(Band forms DDRP and plays Going Back)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of the national anthem by the Princeton University Band.
(Band plays the anthem)
Fly away band, riding on your winged leopard.
Halftime:
Teaching your child how to forget you, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to Forward)
We’d like to welcome all the parents to today’s game! We know you’re probably worrying about your child, but we’re here to reassure that everything is ok.
We bet you’re worrying a lot about diseases, especially with the meningitis outbreak. But it’s ok, there’s no way your child is sharing cups with anyone because they don’t have any friends.
Academics is sure to be another area for worry. But we assure you that your child is not failing any classes, because they missed signups and aren’t in any. Also, they got their first test back today, and it was positive.
And parents always worry about partying. But your child definitely isn’t drinking because they can’t even get into the sign-in eating clubs.
Your child is fine in their new living situation as well: They never run out of laundry because they never change their pants. And they don’t have to worry about getting locked out because they never make it back to their room — just kidding, it’s because they never leave.
Your child has had a great first month at Princeton, it’s too bad they can’t remember it. Forming your child’s memories, the band plays “Forget You.”
(Forming a question mark, the band plays Forget You.)
As you may have heard, the band was banned from Lafayette for several years. Over that time,
we came up with lots of great jokes about them. They may be a bit antiquated, but we’re excited to get to share them now.
- The average Lafayette student is fatter than the federal budget surplus.
- Lafayette students caused the Y2K crisis because they can’t count to 2000.
- Lafayette students do worse in their internships than Monica Lewinsky — and spend less on their dry cleaning.
- The Lafayette band is so bad that the Spice Girls and ‘N Sync gave up on music and broke up.
- Lafayette students are dumber than George W. Bush
- The Marquis de Lafayette’s favorite Pokemon is Mr. Mime.
- Lafayette students are so dumb they think Roe vs Wade is about how to cross rivers.
(Band forms Tamagotchi and plays Crazy)
We recently read that some rural areas of Colorado want to secede from the state because it’s become too liberal. They want to either start there own state or join Wyoming. Because nothing empowers a people like joining Wyoming… Besides, we know Wyoming and Colorado won’t go for it — both states are nice rectangles already.
But despite Colorado’s struggles, there have been a lot of other secessions recently.
- Congress seceded from America, and America had a day of celebration.
- Lafayette seceded from France.
- Texas finally seceded from the Union — wait no, the Union seceded from Texas.
- Jeff Nunakawa’s sleeves seceded from his shirt.
- Harvard seceded from the Ivy League — actually, they were just taking a year off for honor code violations
- Forbes seceded from Princeton — that’s what we heard anyway, news travels slowly from over there.
(Band forms Colorado and Wyoming and plays “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love.” People move from Colorado to Wyoming)
Become a part of the trend, band. It’s time to secede from the field!