Harvard 2023
October 21, 2023
Harvard at Princeton
Princeton wins 21-14
Pregame:
Several crustaceans in a trench coat– it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Cannon Song]
We’d like to extend a wahm welcome to all of the Hahvahd fans in attendance today. We know that living in Massachusetts is wicked hahd and that visiting us in New Jersey is a great relief. Please take your time to soak in the atmosphehe of the Gahden state. Take a load off, decompress from the stress of Hahvahd Yahd. Here at Princeton, life is easy, sporting our orange and black. Nothing like the Hahvahd crimson– you’re as red as a lobstuh!
Band forms the ugly crimson and plays Rock Lobster.
[Band forms a lobster claw and plays Rock Lobster]
Enough of that band! You’ll scare the children! Time for the Double Double Rotating P!
[Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back]
Run away band! I think I might have a shellfish allergy
Halftime:
Who up experiencing prophetic visions? It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Forward]
The Band has always been a little… less than normal. Some people might even say our experiences are PARANORMAL. Here are a few examples:
Why does this keep happening to us?
Wait, huh? The crowd is chanting to burn us as witches? What?
The band forms itself being engulfed in flames and plays Great Balls of Fire.
[Band forms a flame and plays "Great Balls of Fire"]
[Julia gestures importantly at the announcing box]
Oh, the wizard has something to say… THIS JUST IN. Information is being revealed to our drum major via vision.
Apparently, founder of the Band Charles Schneider, class of 1750, was actually a witch. In fact, he narrowly escaped the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 after facing accusations involving the death of John “Conehead” Harvard. He died mysteriously young– 30 years old, he was just a kid– although founding an institution as rife with horror and heartache as Harvard must take a few decades off one’s life. In any case, Johnny boy was enjoying some of his favorite flavorless pilgrim ham, when suddenly, he felt death’s icy, lethal fingers clench around his throat. What could have caused this swift, just end?
[Band plays Also Sprach Zarathustra and flashes…
SERVE FATAL HAM
SET HARV AFLAME
SIS BOOM AHHHH! ]
Run away band! The pilgrim is after us!
Harvard at Princeton
Princeton wins 21-14
Pregame:
Several crustaceans in a trench coat– it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Cannon Song]
We’d like to extend a wahm welcome to all of the Hahvahd fans in attendance today. We know that living in Massachusetts is wicked hahd and that visiting us in New Jersey is a great relief. Please take your time to soak in the atmosphehe of the Gahden state. Take a load off, decompress from the stress of Hahvahd Yahd. Here at Princeton, life is easy, sporting our orange and black. Nothing like the Hahvahd crimson– you’re as red as a lobstuh!
Band forms the ugly crimson and plays Rock Lobster.
[Band forms a lobster claw and plays Rock Lobster]
Enough of that band! You’ll scare the children! Time for the Double Double Rotating P!
[Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays Going Back]
Run away band! I think I might have a shellfish allergy
Halftime:
Who up experiencing prophetic visions? It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Forward]
The Band has always been a little… less than normal. Some people might even say our experiences are PARANORMAL. Here are a few examples:
- In 1967, the Band’s formation spelling “ABC” magically transfigured to “NBC” while ABC was broadcasting our show
- In 1989, the Band suffered a Rock Lobster Fever, and was unable to stop writhing around on the ground for 6 business days.
- In 2023, our Drum Major was mysteriously replaced by a wizard
Why does this keep happening to us?
Wait, huh? The crowd is chanting to burn us as witches? What?
The band forms itself being engulfed in flames and plays Great Balls of Fire.
[Band forms a flame and plays "Great Balls of Fire"]
[Julia gestures importantly at the announcing box]
Oh, the wizard has something to say… THIS JUST IN. Information is being revealed to our drum major via vision.
Apparently, founder of the Band Charles Schneider, class of 1750, was actually a witch. In fact, he narrowly escaped the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 after facing accusations involving the death of John “Conehead” Harvard. He died mysteriously young– 30 years old, he was just a kid– although founding an institution as rife with horror and heartache as Harvard must take a few decades off one’s life. In any case, Johnny boy was enjoying some of his favorite flavorless pilgrim ham, when suddenly, he felt death’s icy, lethal fingers clench around his throat. What could have caused this swift, just end?
[Band plays Also Sprach Zarathustra and flashes…
SERVE FATAL HAM
SET HARV AFLAME
SIS BOOM AHHHH! ]
Run away band! The pilgrim is after us!